From time to time on this blog I’ve bought up that I am a
person with Aspergers. A year ago I
published a link here to a short film that was produced by Nicky Elliott about
how I see the world, make my art and live my life.
As a woman nearing my
6th decade I can attest that I feel much more comfortable in the
world now than when I was younger when so much more was obscure. Through often
arduous processing I hope I’ve come to a better understanding of the differences
between myself and neurotypical thinking.
However, there are still a lot of
days to be lived when confusion runs rampant….
In my late 30s I had a lightbulb moment when I grasped that
there is a secret communication that NTs share that had eluded me all my life.
It is commonly known as “body language” but is much more nuanced than just
muscle tension and blinking as it also takes in other aspects like tone of
voice and coded language. Simultaneously I had the truly astounding realisation
that NTs have good feelings about each other and enjoy talking to each other…sheeesh!
who’d have thought! Life started to become a lot easier when I learned to
redirect some of my internal focus to carefully assess what people around me
were saying to each other and which ones had relationships they call “friends”
Many NTs find it impossible to understand that I’ve never had a “friend” and
are even more disbelieving to find that the whole proposition is something I
regard with fear and distaste….heh, anyway we won’t go there today…
I am writing this now because of trying to cope with being
upset. Going to that part of my brain where I’m focusing on language and
writing, finding and composing words into a coherent text, is helping me not to
collapse into the anxiety and catastrophic reactions that can badly affect some
of us with Aspergers. Sometimes referred to as a “meltdown”
The internet has been a fantastic way of communicating for
myself and many others on the Autistic Spectrum because we don’t have the
bafflement and distraction of dealing with body language. But stuff still
happens…I’ve come to understand that NTs usually try to avoid saying things
that are potentially hurtful and rejecting by adept use of body language. Sometimes I can be rather oblivious to not being
in the category of populist/conventional/mainstream. One of the nicest things
about Aspies is that we are very accepting of difference, in fact, often find
it quite fascinating. Whereas NTs like stereotypes, feel comfort in tribalism,
prefer sameness and fear “otherness”
I'm working on accepting that some Facebook groups I’m in don’t
like the clothes I design and aren’t going to support me by publishing
information about new designs I release. I get confused with the incongruency
of being told they are happy to include me in their monthly round-up list, then
3 times in a row and 4 newly published patterns later they keep overlooking to
add the patterns….
So, I’ve been casting about to find some more artsy and
creative Facebook sewing groups that might find my clothing designs more
appealing.
As a child I believed I had been accidentally abandoned on
the wrong planet after my true parents crash landed here…..any planets out
there that want to adopt me?
