brain farts, scum et al

re blog post yesterday - why did I say that? – that I was bullied in a workplace nearly a decade ago (in truth I have been bullied in 99% of them)

On this blog I rarely mention my “private” life. Apart from my art I don’t think or do much that anybody would find interesting. There are some bloggers, like Eden Riley, who write absolutely amazing stuff about their lives, emotions, world view and kudos to them.

Generally I only feel comfortable talking about my garden, textile art and the things I make.

One of the characteristics of people with Aspergers is that we have difficulty communicating (or so the NTs maintain) Its not that we don’t have feelings, thoughts and experiences that are compelling, it seems to be more about not sharing a language with the neurologically typical that we both understand (actually I often think that NTs simply create the delusion that others are empathising with them…heh, but not going there today)

Being in workplaces can be a daily nightmare for Aspies. Each and every one has its own culture and peculiarities that is the result of the chemistry brewed up by the specific participants in that environment. While its hard enough to negotiate your way in general society then there these unique microcosms that you also need to succeed in. All these organisations pretend to have rules, policies, procedures, ethics, blah-de-blah ,or some other fancy label that somebody in management got paid a lot of money to cogitate up out of their wildest imagination… supposedly defining what you do and how to interact with others in the workplace.

For a great deal of my life I was confounded to find that not a single workplace ever, ever operated like that. Some of them were gobsmackingly blatantly operating in contradiction to their fancy pants declarations. It was only as I got older and wiser, and as the elasticity of the brain stretched to accommodate my real life experiences that I realised such expectations are a very literal and naive Aspergers construct of the world. As scum rises to the top, workplace cultures will rule and they are fashioned by the dominant personalities to suit their own agendas, egos and world view.

Workplaces aren’t about people labouring together to achieve “specified outcomes” (nice bit of selected management drivel); people get paid to turn up to engage in group rituals. Nobody would turn up if they didn’t get paid….would you choose to? When you go to work you do the tasks that are assigned because you get paid for it. Would you do those tasks if no one asked you and weren’t being paid for it?

Perhaps NTs will think – duhhh!!??? well yeah so what! – but it really took me 30 years to work this out…

I won’t do it anymore – go to work and participate in meaningless rituals at the behest of the scum. It has made me literally sick – depressed, psychicly wounded, suicidal. Its just the logical outcome of doing meaningless activity and being the pawns of scum.

I’m trying to “monetise” the work I do now.  In reality(?) my creative enterprises aren’t succeeding on a financial level. Without the emotional and financial support of my husband I would have had to stop years ago. I’m so immensely grateful to him that he values my happiness above requiring me to be in a damaging environment for the sake of the money earned.

I felt I owed an explanation for my unusual blog yesterday. The place name “Port Stephens” pushed buttons and I had a brain fart. Now I look forward to getting back to doing my art and blogging about that.